i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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