I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
