i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
