Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
