There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
