My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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