By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
