That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
