got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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