I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
