Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize