I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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