She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
