Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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