ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
