Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
