it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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