My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
