I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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