I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
