So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
