Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't notice because vodka
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
