I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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