Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
