My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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