I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
