my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
