Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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