I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
