I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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