i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
