Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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