I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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