just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
