Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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