Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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