god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
