I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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