What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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