if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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