she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
