I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
