Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
