Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
