farters have to be the big spoon...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
