You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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