Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
