you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
