i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just threw up on my dentist
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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