If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
