Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
