Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
