i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What drink are we having for lunch?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
