can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize