I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
