dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
