Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
