i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
