It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize