i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
