Midget sex pt 2 tonight
from now on my penis is your penis
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
