it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
