She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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