I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
