I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
