I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Never joke about your clitoris.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
