No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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