im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
